1. I Do Fit In
Archie and Moti welcomed us back. To my surprise, Archie stepped forward, shook my hand fervently, and exclaimed: “I sure missed you, Peter’le!”
“How come?”
“You see, originally this haven was created for Moti and me. We welcomed Tiger when he came for a visit and, in due course, asked him to join us. He became and has remained a loyal member of our selective clan.”
“So why did you miss me?” I asked, bewildered.
“You alone come from a background akin to mine. True, Moti and I have remained very close. His highly accurate computations, calculations and assistance in my projects are indispensable. Tiger broadened our horizons. But when you arrived, I had a friend who was able to bring me back to my origins. For instance, I enjoyed our chat about philosophy, although you do not speak Greek and to this extent are a barbarian.”
“I know what you mean,” I assured him. “But, you know, Tiger and I became a sort of a second unit in this wonderful place.”
“I know,” he agreed, “and Tiger enjoys looking after you. He even accompanies you when you go for a swim, although he does not want to immerse himself in the stream.”
“I understand, Archie.”
“But now, Peter’le, you have a serious problem. Your provisional sentence was to punch seven deserving noses. You have already punched five worthies, which means only two punches are available.”
“So?” I asked perplexed.
“Well, you are still in times long past; and how will you identify the remaining two? Don’t tell me that modern thinkers or leaders have left no impact. Whilst you were on your last mission, Lord Pan gave me interesting tomes and lent me his reading speed. I am now in command of human history. Our race has been prolific. Our development was influenced by far more than seven people. And you haven’t even reached the medieval period.”
For a while all of us were lost in thought. Eventually, Moti broke the silence.
“What happens if They are not pleased with Peter’le’s selection?”
“Hopefully, They’ll send him back to us here,” opined Tiger. “Perhaps They will simply order him to carry on punching and ask Lord Pan to extend the present arrangement.”
“But if They believe he did not make a serious effort or that he is not up to the task, They may send him elsewhere,” pointed out Archie, adding “and this will be disappointing. Peter’le has become one of us and we want him to reside here. It is in our interest to aid him.”
“Well,” I concluded, “the three of you must help me plan my next moves.”
2. How to Proceed
“Perhaps we should turn to the medieval and modern periods,” opined Archie. “But how will you spot the worthies? The French revolution left a lasting impact on European history. But who triggered it? Louis XIV with his extravagances and useless wars? And, in any event, you have already punched two rulers. The American War of Independence is another significant development in Western culture; but can you identify a specific person, who left his impact on this major event?”
“Perhaps we should identify a field and then opt for a person who distinguished himself in it during these periods,” suggested Moti.
“Excellent idea,” Archie showed his enthusiasm. “Well, Peter’le, how about tacticians? Warfare has been part and parcel of human history. I myself invented devices to be used against enemies, like setting the enemy’s fleet on fire by the use of mirrors.”
“Did this idea come to fruition?” Tiger wanted to know.
“Actually, it didn’t. The enemy arranged his ships in a column; this got me stymied. Still, other ideas I had bore fruit.”
“It is an interesting field,” opined Tiger, “and is applicable to humanity alone. Most animals kill only in the quest for food or fight when it comes to mating.”
“I have seen cats killing birds even although they are well fed by their human owners. Also, I am told that some apes and monkeys fight to protect their territory or to acquire new land,” I observed.
“True,” agreed Archie, “but we – humans – often fight for the sake of ideology. I know that in most cases we really compete for power. But warmongers often seek to appeal by the postulation of an idea, such as race or religion.”
“Archie is right,” interceded Moti. “Warfare is a human trait. In the animal kingdom wanton killings are rare. So, we better identify a real master of warfare or an outstanding field marshal.”
It took us a while to come up with a name. We considered Suppiluliuma the Hittite. He was a master of surprise tactics and, arguably, was the first individual known to have used bacteriological weapons; for instance by presenting infected animals to monarchs he aimed to fight. Still, very little was known about his battles.
Xerxes led his infantry successfully along the coast of Greece and arranged a rendezvous of his infantry and fleet. Nonetheless, he was beaten; and Greece threw off the Persian yoke. We next considered Hannibal. His crossing of the Alps with the object of launching a surprise attack on Rome was a feat. So was his battle of Cannae, in which he ambushed the Roman army and annihilated it. In the end, though, he was defeated by Scipio Africanus, whose trumpeters confused Hannibal’s mighty elephants. These were terrorised, turned tail, and massacred Hannibal’s own men.
Greece had seen the rise of Alexander the Great, who conquered the Levant and Persia and proceeded onward to India. However, after his death his Kingdom was divided between his four senior generals. We had no doubts about his efficacy as a military leader but, in reality, his advance was an anabasis.
Rome experienced the reign of a number of brilliants strategists, including the great Julius Caesar and centuries later Trajan.
“But, Peter’le,” observed Archie, “you have already punched influential figures of antiquity. Let us find a more recent candidate.”
His words made sense. I knew that my own prejudice – the penchant for antiquity – had influenced my initial trend of thought. To compensate, I mentioned von Manstein, whose master plan, involving blitzkrieg and surprise tactics, enabled Nazi Germany to defeat the French army. Still, he was eventually defeated on the Eastern front. Rommel, too, had his moments but was beaten by Montgomery in El-Alamein.
Retracing my steps, I focused on Napoleon. Again, there could be no doubt about his genius as tactician. His ability to fight armies superior in numbers by attacking them seriatim secured his brilliant victories in Marengo and Austerlitz. He used the same approach in Waterloo but was beaten by Wellington and the re-formed army of the Prussian, Blücher, whose troops Bonaparte failed to destroy in their initial engagement.
I was thinking about the standing of Marlborough and Wellington, when Archie pointed out that my task was to cover both the East and the West. Up to now I had shown my attention to but one Oriental individual, namely Qin Shi Huang.
“Actually, he was a conqueror, defeating and annexing the neighbouring states one by one. He was an excellent field marshal,” I pointed out.
“But you have already visited him. Can we think about another genius?” asked Tiger.
“Actually, there was one: Genghis [Chenghis] Khan. Like Qin, he was also an empire builder; but his main achievements were his victories in the field even when the odds were against him.”
“I think you have identified your next ‘punchee’,” agreed Archie. “Did you know that his DNA can be detected in many humans?”
“No, I didn’t know that,” I conceded, “but then, he slept with aristocratic and common women in the course of his relentless pursuits and conquests. In plain language, he was prolific.”